I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
