escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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