so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize