somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
