he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
