he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
