somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
