God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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