Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
