guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
