party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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