he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
