let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
