dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
