i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
