who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
a search helicopter?!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
