WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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