The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
