Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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