I look better un-naked...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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