Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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