why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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