He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
