Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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