Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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