sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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