when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
