Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize