ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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