Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
