so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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