She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
