you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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