that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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