I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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