Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
