it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
