Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
