Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
