there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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