This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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