I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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