why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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