Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
