he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
