I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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