I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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