She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
