So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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