***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
