I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
