I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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