I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
