Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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