You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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