i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
