we made out on top of his cat.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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