i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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