Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i drank out of a bidet.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
