it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't deserve a penis
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
