I hate your face
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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