yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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