Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
