I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
