The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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