I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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