I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
can u get pink eye on your cock?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
