I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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