that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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