I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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