I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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