its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
