Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
