so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
