ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
