Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
