I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it glows. i had to have it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize