I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize