his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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