how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
