based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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