So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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