I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
