just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
