I saw his package. It spoke to me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
