Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
