ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
