We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The Olympian is in my bed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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