someone get that fucking seahorse.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
